


After-School Shenanigans

by lord_of_cats



Series: cat-lords pesterlog experiments [5]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Sburb Session, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-27
Updated: 2016-09-28
Packaged: 2018-08-18 03:28:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,551
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8147599
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lord_of_cats/pseuds/lord_of_cats
Summary: Every afternoon without fail, Jade Harley will sit at her computer in her room and wait for her three best friends to log on.Today is no exception.





	1. Holiday plans.

**Author's Note:**

> Just a sweet, fluffy thing to test my coding skills (and patience) while I make my way up Mt Itoi to beat Earthbound Beginnings. (Which I love. Lloyd is my favourite. You meet him hiding in a trashcan and I can relate to that.  
> Reviews are always appreciated!

gardenGnostic [GG] is online and waiting.   
GG: hey guys!!!!  
GG: how was school? i just got back from gardening all day :)  
GG: bec kept on digging up all my flowers!!! :(  
GG: he was being a very bad doggy :( :(  
GG; but all in all today was really fun!!!!!!  
GG: ...  
GG: i wish you guys could visit my island...  
GG: i mean bec has teleportation powers so you wouldnt have to worry about air fares!!!!  
GG: and we can hang out all day and swim in the lake and have picnics and do other cool stuff!!!  
GG: itll be really fun! i promise ;)  
tentacleTherapist [TT] is online.  
TT: That does sound fun, although we do have school for the next couple of weeks.  
GG: oh shoot yeah!!! im sorry i didnt realise :(  
TT: We can always do it during the holidays. Although I do have band camp that my mother forces me to attend every holidays, so I'm not quite sure when we can meet up.  
turntechGodhead [TG] is online.  
TG: holy shit rose you go to band camp  
TG: fuck that is the best thing ive heard all year  
TG: even better than the time egbert said he shit his pants in class  
TG: which did happen, he was not fucking around with me  
TG: or being the 'pranking master :B' or some derpy shit like that  
TG: but i would never have pegged you as the type of nerd who does band camp holy shit  
TT: As I said, and as you should have listened David, my mother forces me to go every holidays. I do not want to go to band camp. Ever.  
TG: still funny shit  
ectoBiologist [EB] is online.  
EB: i go to band camp! whats wrong with band camp?  
TG: aaaaaand the dork himself arrives  
TG: halle-fucking-lujah  
EB: :B  
GG: anyway so rose is cool to hang out but what about you two?  
EB: that sounds great!  
EB: we could have movie marathons and play video games all night!  
TG: and then we could all paint our nails and gossip about boys together  
GG: daaaaaaave  
TG: oh sorry only me and rose will talk about boys  
TG: you two can talk about fluffy bunnies or whatever  
TG: me and rose are gonna have real talk  
TT: First of all, it's Rose and I. Second of all, I have a girlfriend.  
GG: :0!!!!!!  
EB: wait what when did this happen?  
TG: bullshit  
TT: I can assure you, it is not bullshit. I have a girlfriend now.  
GG: rooooose! when were you going to tell us!!!!  
TT: Well considering she asked me out today, I would say in about a weeks time.  
GG: Today!? Rose, who was it? Do we know them?  
TT: Well, she's in my English class. We share a love of classic novels, especially Dracula.  
GG: Kanaya? Kanaya Maryam? She asked you out?  
TT: Indeed she did.  
TG: who is this kanaya maryam and why have i never heard about her before  
GG: she's roses girlfriend!!!  
TG: yea i know  
TG: but like who is she yknow  
TG: give me all the dirty gossip  
GG: well...  
TG: cmon harley spill the beans  
GG: rose told me in private that shes really hot and rose likes to stare at her while she's reading.  
GG: and other parts of her too :) :)  
TT: Please don't meddle in my love life. I honestly don't want you three knowing every single detail of my life. I told Jade in confidence and she has betrayed me.  
GG: ohhh  
EB: oooooooooohhhhhh  
TG: ooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhh cut the bs rose you meddle with us like 24/7  
EB: hey dave, remember when we told her in confidence about our crushes on each other and she proceeded to meddle until eventually telling the whole group.  
TG: of course i remember that bs  
TG: most embarrassing moment of my life  
EB: :B  
TT: Anyway, we were making plans about hanging out in the holidays?  
TG: stop changing the subject rose  
TT: I've only done it once. Besides, wouldn't it be better if we discussed holiday plans? We could get that discussion out of the way and continue discussing school and other things.  
EB: despite the obvious subject-changery, i agree with rose  
GG: yeah!!! i really want you guys to hang out on my island with me!!  
TG: what no  
TG: how come rose gets off scot free  
GG: she doesn't! were interrogating her after we finalised the details  
TG: oh sweet  
EB: so jade, what are the plans?  
GG: buckle up guys, cos boy are things about to go down...


	2. Interrogation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Someone wanted the interrogation so hear you go dude.  
> Ft Kanaya Goddamn Maryam

gardenGnostic [GG] turntechGodhead [TG] and ectoBiologist [EB] began to interrogate tentacleTherapist [TT]   
GG: soooooooooo rose  
GG: you going to tell us or not??!!!  
EB: yeah rose tell us!  
TT: Oh boy.  
TG: prepare for trouble  
EB: and make it double!  
TG: god i love you babe  
EB: i know :B  
TT: Do we have to do this? It isn't necessary really.  
GG: sounds like you're trying to get out of it!  
TT: I'm not trying to get out of it.  
TG: sniff sniff  
TG: whats that i smell?  
TG: sniiiiiiiff  
TG: could it possibly be..?  
TG: bullshit?  
EB: oh yeah i totally smell it too!  
TG: man see even egbert can smell it  
TG: that means it must be really strong  
GG: yeah!!!  
GG: and to help stop all this avoidance bs!!!  
gardenGnostic [GG] added grimAuxiliatrix [GA] to the chat  
GG: i managed to get her chum handle off a friend of a friend!!!  
GG: and its a good thing i did!!  
GA: Oh  
GA: Hello?  
GA: I Do Not Believe We Have Formally Met?  
TT: Oh no Kanaya I'm so sorry.  
GG: hi kanaya! im jade!! eb is john and tg is dave  
GG: were roses best friends!!!!  
GG: she may have mentioned us?  
GA: I Do Not Believe She Has  
GG: ...  
EB: ...  
TG: i am hurt and offended  
TT: David I can assure you it's not like that.  
TG: i thought we meant something to you rose  
TG: i thought i meant something to you  
TG: what about that time we started the apocalypse and rode motorbikes and blew stuff up  
TT: That never happened.  
TG: see guys  
TG: already trying to cut us out of our lives now that she has a extreme gal pal  
EB: a breast friend  
GG: a fellow pussy lover  
TT: You're all dead to me.  
TG: we already are with kanaya around  
GA: I Did Not Mean To Intrude On Anything  
GA: If I Recall Correctly, Jade Was The One To Invite Me Here  
EB: jade invited you into our group chat because she wanted the goss  
EB: we all do  
GA: The 'Goss' On What?  
TT: Our newly formed romantic relationship.  
GA: Oh.  
GG: yeah we want answers!!!!  
GA: Well This Is...Embarrassing  
GA: There Isn't Much To Say On The Matter, As We Only Started Dating Today  
GG: that's no excuse!!! we want all the juicy gossip!!!!  
GA: Well, She Was All Embarrassed At First  
GA: She Often Went As Red As Daves Text Colour Whenever I Tried To Talk To Her  
GA: But Then We Were Paired For An Assignment  
GA: And She Stopped Being So Flushed Around Me And We Were Able To Hold Proper Conversations Together  
GA: I Must Admit I Was Quite Flushed Myself For A Time  
GA: But I Mustered My Courage And Asked Her Out For Coffee  
GA: And I Must Say, I Am Relieved I Did So  
TT: That's incredibly sweet of you to say.  
TT: But...I am grateful you asked me out as well.  
TG: yeah well kanaya  
TG: you gotta treat our rosie right  
TT: Don't call me that.  
TG: shes a special snowflake that must be cherished and kept frozen solid through the blazing summer to preserve its frozen beauty  
TG: trust me on this  
TG: if you hurt our little girl  
TG: daddys coming for you  
TT: I'd appreciate it if you didn't call me your 'little girl'. Or imply that you are my 'daddy'.  
TT: That's just plain disgusting.  
TG: shut up rose im trying to be the adult in this situation  
TG: i know its hard but please use condoms when you have sex  
EB: daaaave!  
EB: girls don't even have condoms!!  
TG: yeah they do  
TG: have you not listened in sex ed?  
TG: theyre called female condoms and they look gross  
EB: i call bullshit  
TG: its true  
TG: ask lalonde shes well acquainted with them  
GG: *cough cough*  
GG: boys!!!  
GG: i can hear bec calling me  
GG: surely your dad/bro are calling for you too?  
TG: nah  
TG: i dont know where bro is nor do i care  
EB: yeah i can't hear my dad so...  
GG: ugggh  
GG: i was trying to say we should leave those two love birds alone for a little bit  
EB: ohhhhh right got it  
EB: bye guys talk to you later!!!  
ectoBiologist [EB] is an idle chum!  
TG: ugh dammit john  
TG: come back here you doofus  
turntechGodhead [TG] is an idle chum!  
GG: byeeee!!!!!  
GG: dont do anything to lewd please ;) ;) ;)  
GG: this is still somewhat public  
gardenGnostic [GG] is an idle chum!  
GA: ...  
TT: So those where my friends...  
GA: I Can See Now Why You Don't Talk About Them...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rose is dead inside


End file.
